&fic;

 

the problem is, you've gone off-script

by sugargroupie

R, 1147 words

Summary: you close your eyes because it's easier to ignore the lines you can't see.

Disclaimer: This portrayal is entirely fictional.

Notes: Written for grammarwoman in the 2008 Pretty Lights Actor ficathon. Thanks to Shannon for the glance over. All mistakes are mine.

.   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .

season one
The problem is, you've spent too much time thinking of what it would be like to have sex with Ben Browder.

*

 

In the beginning, when you're both excited about the show and running lines with each other is easily the most enjoyable part of your day, he fits neatly into the box of attractive co-star who is off limits. He is Ben, and you are Claudia, and there is an understanding of a line that you will not cross.

Except (eventually) he crosses it first (or perhaps you'd crossed it long ago and never realized), and it feels like the most natural thing in the world to fall into step with him.

Ben's first step is to back you up against the wall of your trailer and kiss you hard and deep until you feel like you've lost your senses and the plot; where only an impatient knock at the door can pull you away.

Your step forward involves giving him a hand job while the cast is distracted by their drunken selves, and he comes quietly with a heavy breath in your ear, sticky and warm on your hand.

Then it happens again -- days later even -- this time with his wet mouth on you, his tongue teasing and fucking until your legs shake. You close your eyes because it's easier to ignore the lines you can't see.

It's only after the fully-naked, not entirely sober but still incredibly hot sex on hotel sheets that you realize you have to be careful before your feelings get away from you. You no longer have boundaries with your attractive co-star who was once off limits. Now, he is simply Ben, and you are Claudia, and this is your problem.

*

 

season two

Before the rumors could spread beyond the production staff, you both decide to end whatever it is that you're reluctant to name. What surprises you more than it should is, as with everything else, you and Ben return from over that line together.

*

 

season three

Ian Watson yells action! and Ben's mouth covers yours, the momentum and weight of his arms pulling you forward. Your teeth clang against each other, making the most ridiculous noise, and he huffs with laughter directly into your mouth.

You step back from his embrace with a grin. "Very sexy."

Ian calls cut.

"I can do better," Ben murmurs, his lips just shy of brushing against your ear.

"I'm sure," you say, as if humoring him when in fact, you've never doubted his skill.

There's a short debate about calling on a make-up assistant to retouch your lips and Ian tells them not to bother. "That thoroughly-kissed glaze in your eyes looks good on you, Claud," Ben says.

"Good," you smile. "I was pretending you were someone else."

"Ouch," he laughs, holding a hand to his chest, as if what you've just said is remotely believable.

"I'm sorry Ben," you continue, playing your part, "but I'm just not attracted to you."

Ian urges you both back into place to restart the scene before Ben can answer. "Ben, Claud, let's go for a little less realism this time, right?" Ian says, and calls action again.

This time when you kiss, Ben is less forceful but you still follow his lead. This time, you touch him everywhere you can reach. Aeryn touches John, everywhere she can reach. The distinction is made absently, like a whisper in your mind that's forgotten as soon as it's said. You've never allowed yourself to examine why you sometimes slip so easily into the role of Aeryn Sun, and those issues are far too large to scale right now.

You need a distraction from this, you tell yourself as Ian calls cut once again. The scene is good, and Ben takes a moment to brush your hair away from your face.

"The least I could do ma'am," he says with an exaggerated drawl. It's only as he turns to walk away that you realize your hands have been lingering at his waist. You yank them back and gaze around the set, but no one pays you any mind.

All right then. Your hands-off policy is clearly not working.

*

 

season four

When the director suggests that you use more tongue, to open your mouth just a little wider so that it can be seen as your characters kiss, you don't think about Aeryn's reaction to John; you think about Ben, who teases his tongue lightly against yours because he can, or the way his thumb rests just beneath the band of your leather pants when that action hasn't been scripted at all.

As for your reaction, well it's just as well that you and Ben manage to complete the scene in one take. You can't imagine having to explain Aeryn's actions, or worse; your own.

 

Ben laughs when you show up at his trailer, resting his thumb and forefinger on the sides of his mouth as you cross his path to come inside. You became acquainted with his oral fixation long ago, back when staying away from him didn't pose the challenge it does right now.

"I know why you're here," he begins, "And I'm sorry. I know we agreed not to? he pauses. The silence explains more than whatever arbitrary word either of you could assign your relationship.

You allow your gaze to wander up and down his body in frank appraisal, your mouth lifting in a smirk as he leans in close. "Cee," he sighs, drawing out your nickname.

You tell him quietly, "That was inappropriate." Ben nods and opens his mouth to speak, but you think he's done enough talking for now. "One more time," you decide, and it only takes Ben a moment to understand what that means.

Taking hold of his shoulders, you push him back until he plops down on the sofa before straddling his lap. You kiss the smile from his face, suck on his tongue until his lips are bruised and reluctant to part from your mouth.

"I missed you," he murmurs as you rub your crotch against him. Yes, you've missed him and his cock.

And his tongue, which is warm and damp through your shirt and bra. He continues to suck on your nipple until you wrench free, pulling your clothes over your head; your hands chasing his as he jerks his jeans and underwear down to his ankles.

You spend the rest of the night putting his oral fixation through its paces while discovering you have a few of your own.

 

*

 

The problem is, you can't stop thinking about how it felt to have sex with Ben Browder (because he is once again a boundary you won't allow yourself to cross), and you wonder how long your hands-off policy will hold this time.

*

e n d