&fic;

 

the notes on your spine

by sugargroupie

NC-17, 4259 words

Summary: she remembers the giddy laughter that took over them as she got tangled up in the long skirts of her dress, and she finds that memory deeply satisfying.

Disclaimer: This portrayal is entirely fictional.

Notes: Horribly self-indulgent high school teachers AU. Blame falls to me only, and as such, this story is not beta'd. Shannon and I were talking, as we do, about RPF AUs and how utterly addicting they are. And, I don't even know, this just sort of happened.

.   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .

One week before opening night.

When Gigi Edgley announces her entrance at rehearsals Thursday afternoon with a hacking cough, Claudia raises one brow and purses her lips. "What's that, then?"

Gigi shakes her head and covers her mouth with a handkerchief as she coughs again. "Nothing," she chokes out. "Just a coughing spell, I'm sure. Or allergies."

Claudia sighs softly as Gigi's coughing continues, this time punctuated with a sneeze that would be rather cute if it wasn't contagious. She brings Gigi a cup of water but stands back as far as her reach would allow, shrugging sympathetically when Gigi grabs the cup and drains it in one swallow.

"Thanks," she says, sounding grateful.

Claudia nods, but before she can speak a group of students begin trickling into the theatre, signaling the beginning of rehearsals. She's relieved, at least, that Gigi's giving the students a wide berth, lest she expose them to whatever ails her.

In less than one week, the drama and choral departments would begin a five day production of The Scarlet Pimpernel. The musical debut is so close she can taste it, along with the steady mounting nerves that flutter in her stomach every year as a result.

As Performing Arts director, she's used to the excess nervous energy and anxiety that comes with each production. What Claudia is not used to, however, is being without her assistant just days before final preparations. And, as much as she'd like to hope that what's got Gigi sick can suddenly be diagnosed as a simple case of allergies, Claudia isn't new. Gigi's eyes and nose are red and her skin is splotchy.

She'll be lucky to make it to the last day of rehearsal, let alone opening night.

No, Claudia decides as she watches an understudy approach a miserable looking Gigi and begin patting her on the back. "Gigi, go home and take care of those allergies. We'll be fine."

Gigi begins shaking her head but the expression on Claudia's face and the tone of her voice makes it clear it's not a suggestion.

Gigi sniffs and replies, "Ok. I'll be as good as new tomorrow." She glances around at the mixture of choir and theatre students and repeats, "tomorrow."

"You bet," Claudia nods and waves goodbye. Once her assistant is gone, Claudia directs the core cast to their places on stage then turns her attention to the understudy who's had the most contact with Gigi.

"Mika," she calls.

The girl looks up, says, "Yes, Ms. Black," just as she's about to reach for a script.

"Go wash your hands before you touch anything." She wiggles her fingers as if scatting away the sickness. "We don't want whatever Gigi has to spread."

* * *

The next morning, Claudia taps her high-heeled foot against the linoleum floor outside the row of coach's offices near the gym. The idea had come to her after she'd gone to bed last night, and after staying up nearly an hour to debate the pros and cons her spur of the moment decision, her conversation with Gigi this morning confirmed it.

Rather than plead with Principal Judge to hire a substitute and deal with the added work of getting them caught up and acclimated with their students, Claudia decides to take Gigi's suggestion.

(A suggestion that was likely made under the influence of very strong cold medication, but a sound idea nonetheless.)

Taking a deep breath, Claudia knocks on the door at the end of the hall, housing the smallest office for the newest coaching staff member. She bites her lip, partially hoping no one is inside. But this isn't about her or her issues with working with an ex, or her unresolved feelings for said ex. This is for the children, she tells herself.

The door opens wide before she can explore how she was able to make that claim with a straight face.

"Claudia," he greets with a smile. "Well, of all the gin joints?

Shrugging slightly, she puts on a brave face. This is not about you, she reminds herself. "Ben. Got a sec?"

* * *

Three years ago, Ben Browder's reappearance into her life could not have come at a better time.

Right before, Claudia had joined the teaching staff of Lee Performing Arts High School one month after the retirement of their well-respected performing arts director. She'd had big shoes to fill; and right after hiring her, the school board was quick to let her know how big a chance they were taking on her, the trained classical and jazz singer and theatre actor.

There were times when she'd felt completely out of her depth, having her existence and credentials challenge not only by some of her students, but her fellow teachers.

So when Ben had walked into the teacher's lounge, holding a coffee mug in one hand and a brown sack lunch in the other, Claudia stared in shock. It had been over ten years since she'd seen him, after all.

Even if her memory of him had been as vivid as if she'd just seen him days before.

When she'd wrapped her arms around his neck and in her defense, Ben hadn't given her much choice; he'd gathered her in his arms so tightly the only thing she could do was reciprocate in kind he'd still felt the same. His solid frame had been warm against her, and she was pulled back in time for a moment, when they were both young and eager, and maybe a little desperate for one another.

Claudia had been more than a little embarrassed at how quickly she recalled those emotions from so long ago. She couldn't still harbor such feelings for Ben, could she?

Then she met his eyes, as blue as she remembered, found herself tracing the laugh lines around his mouth, and thought: yes, she most certainly did.

* * *

Since Claudia and Ben have been on the Lee High teaching staff, they've been very careful not to cross certain lines of their burgeoning friendship.

This is mostly Claudia's doing, as Ben has made it perfectly clear that he'd love to pick up from where they'd ended things that summer. She wishes it could be as simple as carrying on as if time had stilled instead of moving apace without their permission, even though their attraction to each other remains unchanged.

When Claudia thinks back to those feelings she'd held for Ben with all her young heart, how intense and earnest they both were, she knows that what she could feel for him now could be so much worse (better) than she ever imagined.

Claudia had not been prepared for loving Ben at 19, and she certainly hadn't been prepared to say goodbye. At 30, despite having experienced several types of love after Ben, she's still completely terrified of loving him once more.

But when Ben stands before her, holding her hands in a tight grip, so confident in them and in her ability to love him back, she almost wants to take that chance.

When he kisses her she nearly says yes, but Ben swallows her answer. And she thinks: you've done me a favor without realizing it.

* * *

Four days before opening night.

Claudia first met Ben during a London theatre circuit performance of As You Like It. Claudia had discovered that there was no rush quite like being on stage opposite Ben, except perhaps, when she can't keep her hands off of him.

As their debut draws closer, Claudia finds herself indulging in the former while desperately trying not to think about the latter. She's only moderately successful.

Ben is still there as she locks up the theatre room for the night, nearly hovering over her shoulder as she gives the wide space a glance-over to make sure everything's nice and tidy. When she takes a step back she narrowly misses his foot, and pivots quickly on her heels so that they're face to face.

"Do you need an escort to your car or something?" She's not annoyed, just curious, and offers him a coy smile. "Why are you hovering?"

Ben's only ever flustered so badly when she's said something particularly dirty (by his definition, of course) or otherwise spot on that's embarrassed and exposed him in ways he's not comfortable. "Sorry, must've miscalculated the distance."

Her gaze runs over his face with frank appraisal, and Claudia takes note of the redness of his eyes that speak of how long and exhausting rehearsals had been. Ben licks his lips and her eyes are drawn to his mouth, slightly chapped but still appealing. But then, he's hardly ever unattractive to Claudia, and she doesn't see that changing any time soon.

Claudia grins suddenly as she recalls a memory from their youth guaranteed to make Ben blush further. "Are you being untoward?"

"If you gotta ask," he returns, not skipping a beat, "then I need to work harder on my delivery." Ben closes the distance between them until his chest is almost pressed against her, and she can see the mole at the corner of his eye (not that she hadn't memorized its place long ago), see the slight red beneath his skin spreading down his neck.

They've got an endless supply of inside jokes, most of them sexual, and it occurs to Claudia that standing there alone with Ben in an abandoned corridor is the absolute worse moment for them to start reminiscing.

But when Ben slowly backs her up against the double doors, leans forward and deliberately presses his mouth to hers but moves no further, she believes the moment is close to perfect. Almost, until Claudia parts her lips and licks the seam of his mouth, kisses him thoroughly until he sets his body against her and she feels the weight of him.

It doesn't go any further than that, but she falls asleep with the image burned in her mind, waking the next morning on edge and licking her lips for any remaining traces of his kiss.

* * *

Two days before opening night.

Claudia rubs at her temples but her headache will not abate. She can't decide which she wants more, medicine or a stiff drink.

It's been a long day for everyone. The pacing during the opening scene of Act II has been off, and it seems like the more Claudia tries to coach Katrine, a high school junior and one of Claudia's more dedicated students, in her portrayal of Marguerite, the more frustrated the girl gets.

She's about ready to call for a 15 minute break when Ben grabs the attention of the entire room with one loud clap of his hands. Joining the group on stage, he says, "I've got an idea," and gestures for Claudia to join him.

"Ms. Black and I will act out the scene so you can see it in action," Ben says. "Watch us closely and take notes."

Ben gives Claudia a wink as the students shuffle off stage to take a seat. Taking his place as part of the ensemble, Claudia shifts into the role of Marguerite, and it's like they never left the stage and they've been acting against each other all these years.

Claudia feels it, that energy that spreads along her skin, like oxygen in her blood, and it buoys her as the music begins. For just a moment, their current surroundings fade away as she imagines a different set, period piece costumes and their young faces. She remembers reciting an impassioned monologue hours after their performance was over, panting into his neck as she rode him; and the giddy laughter that took over them as she got tangled up in the long skirts of her dress.

Claudia sings the opening song with flushed cheeks thanks to her traitorous mind, and she wonders if those same memories are lurking in Ben's mind. When his eyes find hers, she has her answer.

She should be embarrassed, but mostly she's grateful her students can't read her mind.

This night becomes another memory she holds close, will guard possessively like the other secrets she's kept; and she finds that deeply satisfying.

* * *

The night before.

By the 24 hour mark, Claudia knows it's risky to over-prepare, and so that day is spent making final adjustments on set pieces and costumes. Rehearsal will be cut short so that the cast has time to relax and do whatever it is they need to do to ready their performances.

She spares a cursory glance around the room, hearing the familiar chorus of a well-known musical number between Marguerite, Percy and Chauvelin when a pair of hands resting discreetly on the small of her back shocks her into awareness. She's never been so grateful to be sitting at the back of the room and away from hormonal and prying teenage eyes.

Ben draws his hands away slowly before Claudia can utter a word, which is just as well. She has no idea what to say to him that doesn't involve blocking and line changes. Because she knows that Ben's simply biding his time, waiting for an opening to talk about what Claudia's tried her best to ignore this week. Each night after practice, they've managed to place their hands and mouths on each other in ways that wholly inappropriate and too damn pleasurable to not want to experience again.

And so they have on the piano bench, the steps leading to the stage, against her office door; her backside's felt the flat surface of nearly every object on which they could conceivably make out. And each morning, Ben's attempts to talk about things between them are thwarted, usually by Claudia and her excuses of a hectic schedule (which is mostly true), but sometimes because Ben does actually work at the school as a pole-vaulting coach during normal hours.

It's only when Claudia catches Ben in his coaching uniform, surrounded by his own team and in his own environment that she's reminded of one simple face: he doesn't belong to her. He's not an event she can continuously reschedule on her calendar until she's ready to deal with him. He's not something to be discarded, and neither are her feelings.

Sack up, she challenges herself, and makes the decision to talk with Ben once opening night is behind them. With that plan in mind, Claudia glances at Ben over her shoulder and smiles, saying without words: please be patient. I won't run away this time.

Ben returns it immediately, wide, and with shining eyes. I'm not going anywhere.

* * *

Opening night.

She's never been more proud of her kids than in this moment, with their flustered, excited faces shining under the theatre lights. They're like balls of energy bouncing against the reverb of thunderous applause as they take their final bows to end their first night's performance. Claudia thrusts herself within the crowd gathering backstage, offering supportive hugs and praises of a job well done. They deserve it all, and she only wishes Gigi were backstage with her, instead of on the front row in the audience like a mere spectator.

But as Claudia looks over the heads of her students to find Ben standing a few feet away doing his own congratulating, she thinks having him here instead isn't a bad trade-off. When Ben meets her gaze and smirks, she wonders if he's reading her mind, or if her thoughts are so transparent that they're clearly written on her face.

Perhaps it's a little of both.

* * *

They are not doing this on school property, Claudia decides.

It's late and she and Ben are still coasting on the adrenaline rush from earlier, even though they're back in her office where it's quiet. Ben brings a bottle of wine, claiming it's so the adults can celebrate, and she can't resist the opening he's generously provided.

Except, she doesn't use it exactly the way she plans. Claudia takes a sip, swishes the warm and slightly bitter red wine with her tongue then drinks a rather large gulp as Ben looks on. He seems amused, curious, turned on, and Claudia is all of these things, and more. She feels giddy almost, as though with one sip she's lost all inhibitions and restraint when it comes to this man. But it's not the wine, she discovers. She's simply lost patience; simply wants him, and is tired of denying herself, denying them both.

Setting her glass down on her desk, she plucks the other glass and wine bottle from Ben's hands and puts them out of the way. But before she can move any further, he grabs her round the waist, pulls her tightly against him and kisses her. It's the kiss she's daydreamed about and remembered with vivid recall. His tongue is warm in her mouth, sweeping across her teeth and slicking deeper inside to play with hers. He hums on her lips and rubs against her in a slow rhythm until her moans are dragged from within, and she no longer cares about the noises they make.

But, they can't do this here.

Even as she says this to herself, she can't push the words out of her mouth. Ben drags his lips down her neck, sucking on her skin, murmuring, "Want you so much, C, god, I want you," as his hands slide over her body.

"Ben," she breathes as he suddenly backs her against the door and hoists her up, her legs automatically wrapping around his hips. Claudia winds her arms around his neck and drops her forehead against Ben's and they stay that way for a moment, their breaths hitching in the silence.

It's so heavy, this quiet, and she feels as if she should say something meaningful; to maybe assure him that she's in it for the long haul this time, so there's no need to rush.

After taking a calming breath, she tilts her head back to meet his eyes. "I'd rather not have our first time in 10 years be against my office door."

She ends the statement shakily as Ben chooses that moment to grind his pelvis against her, a tentative smile blooming on his face. "I just want you, Claud, I don't much care where we are."

And it's the truth. Ben's never been able to lie to her when they're like this. If she gave him the slightest inclination he'd take her right where they stand, and god help her, she'd let him.

But it's been forever and a day, and what Claudia wants most is to make love to Ben in her bed, then maybe on her sofa. She wants to relearn his body, trace the lines of age on his skin.

She wants, and so she leans forward to kiss him once more. "Come home with me," she says softly against his mouth.

Ben's already nodding his head, "yeah, yes. Let's go." His voice is rough, sends warmth swirling in her belly, making her wet between her thighs.

Neither moves, content to hold their embrace, as if they were still life.

Claudia finally slides down slowly, Ben's hands hanging loosely around her waist. He bumps his nose against her cheek and kisses the corner of her mouth, sighing softly before stepping out of her space.

She won't tell him she still loves him in the dark shadow of her office; not right now, but soon. There's no rush, and she's not going anywhere.

* * *

Her fingers clench his hair, pulling tight until his breath catches, warm and heavy between her thighs. Ben looks up, wipes at his wet mouth before turning his head to kiss her knee. Her legs slide down and Claudia feels like she can breathe easy, her body no longer overloaded with sensations threatening to pull her under.

Ben is so bloody good at using his mouth, but she was starting to become embarrassed by the sounds being dragged out of her. Ben's fingers and lips plucked moans and sighs from her, and caused him to reciprocate as she dragged her nails across the nape of his neck, muffled curses into his skin when he laid his tongue flat against her.

God, just thinking about it makes her shift against him, half-naked and wanting him more than she's ever wanted anyone.

Claudia stops herself barely from humping his face at the feel of the cushion beneath her. Oh, that's right. She remembers now. They never made it past her sofa.

She almost wants to laugh as she watches Ben, his naked chest silhouetted by the lone lamp turned on in her living room. She knows that if her gaze reached further she'd see his trousers unzipped and hanging loosely around his hips. Claudia's lost pieces of her clothing along the way, leaving her exposed in some ways and too confined in others. And she doesn't want to worry about being covered at all right now, so she sits up and drags her blouse over her head, then unhooks her bra and sends it flying. Ben follows her lead, pushes himself up from the floor and shucks his pants and briefs, leaving him gloriously naked; so reminiscent of the boy he used to be while revealing the man she's always known he'd become.

Claudia stares until he comes forward and peels her skirt from her hips, kissing her there before pulling the material down her legs until the cool air in the room kisses her skin. She sighs his name, wants to circle back to the beginning where she's not running from him or herself, but she can't finish the thought.

She can barely remember anything anymore because he's right there, rubbing his cock against her, slick and warm gathering between them.

Ben's voice trembles against her, wet mouth trailing down her throat, "wanted this for so long, baby," then he drops to a whisper, his lips hovering over hers, "missed you so much, Claude, god I missed you."

She's no longer in control of her body, it seems, because her head is nodding frantically at his confessed words as she pulls his head down and sucks on his bottom lip. She parts his mouth open with her tongue, makes him groan with deep kisses that go on and on until he steals her breath. She thinks, "me too," and "yes," until she's repeating them aloud, until words are no longer enough to tie them together and she needs to feel him inside.

Ben drags himself away to grab a condom from his trouser pocket, and then they're wrapped around each other and the world stills. Claudia feels everything lock into place at this moment as she holds him inside her body, the feel and smell of him soaking her skin like water.

The sofa is narrow but they make it work, and after, they end up on the floor with permanent grins on their faces.

Claudia's grin remains on her face when Ben whispers, "love you," into her skin and leans his forehead on her shoulder.

Her smile stretches wider, if possible, when she says it back.

* * *

Three months later.

Claudia smiles her thanks as Gigi hands her a bag of popcorn and a bottle of water. Gigi sits down beside her in the stands and starts munching on her own snacks. "Did I miss anything?"

Shaking her head, Claudia says, "I think Ben's team is up next."

Claudia pushes her sunglasses further up her nose and takes a sip of water. Since track and field season began, she made the effort to attend an event to show her support. Usually, she could only catch a few practice meets here and there, but today is an important day for Ben and his team, and so that means it's important to her.

The day passes along eventfully, and the Lee High girls Pole Vaulting team places a respectable second place in long jump and third place in high jump competitions.

After, Ben comes over to greet them with a wide grin on his face, his hair damp with sweat. Sitting up in her seat, she leans over the railing and Ben gives her a lazy kiss that both lingers too long and ends much too soon. Reminded of where they are, Claudia wipes at the faint trace of lipstick on his mouth and shifts away. "The girls were wonderful out there. You should be proud."

Ben looks bashful but nods his head. "Yeah, I am proud. And the season's just started. I've got a good feeling about this year."

"You didn't look too bad out there yourself, coach," Gigi chimes in with amusement.

Ben chuckles then turns his attention to Claudia, giving her hand a squeeze before letting go. "Baby, I gotta go. See you later?"

Nodding, Claudia leans in for a brief kiss and murmurs, "Congratulations," against his mouth. She watches him trek back across the field until he's out of sight.

"You're welcome, by the way," Gigi says as they gather their things to leave.

Claudia considers her friends words. Though said partially in jest, she really does have Gigi to thank. Without Gigi's suggestion, it's possible Claudia would still be avoiding Ben in the corridors while attempting to escape the memories his reappearance brought back. So she says, "I am eternally grateful for your meddling," with a teasing smile, and means it.

Gigi sticks out her tongue and they both laugh. "That's all I needed to hear."

*

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