&fic;

 

may i feel, said he

by sugargroupie

NC-17, 2528 words

Summary: Nathan wonders if she'll always keep him waiting.

Disclaimer: One Tree Hill belongs to Mark Schwahn and co.

Notes: Right, so. PWP. Shannon is to blame for this. Title taken from an ee cummings poem of the same name. This is maybe crude and a little vulgar, as it is about teenage marrieds, with one of them being Nathan Scott. General spoilers through season three, I guess. Beta-free, obvs.

.   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .

(may i touch said he
how much said she
a lot said he)
why not said she

Nathan sighs. Finally.

He's been thinking about getting Haley like this all day -- peeling away her defenses and then her clothes, smelling her skin, feeling how warm she is by touch. He gets it now, what a gift it is that she allows him to see her like this; that she allows him one step further than the last, as his hands inch beneath her sweater to slide along the soft flesh of her hips.

He's determined not to rush, but he needs... he has to put his hands on her before she takes herself away again. And so Nathan cups his hands gently, just until the weight of Haley's breasts are slight in his palm. He feels her bra more than anything, but it's a start. He can't rush her, has to ease her into it. Has to make sure Haley realizes it's ok to want this, and still be a virgin when it's over.

He shifts her position on his lap so that she straddles him more comfortably, and the apex of her thighs aligns perfectly with his half-hard cock; their jeans rubbing against each other. He begins stroking her back, like he's petting her really, in rhythm to the rise and fall of her chest. This is good, he thinks. She's not as nervous as before when she'd only let him touch her over her clothes. This is progress.

Then his hands are moving again, tracing the edge of her bra with his fingers from back to front. He leans in until his lips graze her cheek, says lowly, "Hales, is this all right?"

Haley is nodding her head before he can complete the sentence. She swallows audibly. "Yes," she whispers, so unlike the Haley he's used to, like she has to answer quietly or she'll change her mind.

Her hands rest loosely on his shoulders, fingers plucking nervously at his shirt when he cups her breasts again. She sighs his name like a question, her voice a little louder this time, and Nathan nods; wants to say, fuck yes, to all your questions, just don't tell me to stop.

He cups her more fully this time, her nipples hard beneath the material of her bra, heavy in the curve of his palm. Tucking his thumbs under the edges, he pulls down until the tops of her breasts and nipples pop out, squeezes his eyes tightly as he waits for the inevitable.

Haley clenches her fingers into his shoulders, urging him on.

He has permission to put his mouth on her now, something that he's been craving since his eyes were first drawn to her chest. He's jacked off to them in his mind, to the idea that he could slide his dick between them and thrust until he came all over.

But he can't rush her, so he pushes those thoughts out his head.

Instead, Nathan presses his mouth to her skin, opens until his tongue peeks out and licks down to her nipple. They're darker than he imagined, larger than he'd hoped. He swirls his tongue around, groans as the tip hardens further, as Haley lays her chin on his head and whimpers.

He's going to have half-moon creases in his skin from her nails when this is over, but he welcomes the momentary sting.

He uses his teeth next; has to bring Haley into the art of nipple-sucking slowly. He wants this to be good for her, wants her to ask for it next time. Biting gently, he soothes the action immediately with his tongue and then sucks in earnest, doing it harder as her whimpers turn to moans.

Her fingers have migrated to his neck, drawing through his hair in a tight grip. Haley rocks against him, his dick now fully hard, and fuck, he's never been so turned on before when he's only gotten started.

"Nathan, baby," she murmurs, shoving his face into her breasts, forcing him to turn his attention to the one that's been neglected. He gives it the same treatment, sucking slowly, rolling his tongue around her nipple, adding a hint of teeth until she hisses, tells him not to stop. By the time she jerks his face away and covers his mouth with her own, he's itching to get between her thighs. He's rushing this, he knows, but he can't get his brain to function past fuck her, show her how good it can really be.

Her kiss is wet and deep, like she's fucking his mouth as a substitute for what she really wants. Nathan grabs her hips and lifts, settles her right on his cock. Haley deepens the kiss, rolls her hips like she's riding him, and he thinks of how badly he wants to confess every dirty thought he's ever had of innocent Haley James -- who could make his dick hard just by looking at him a certain way.

"Hales," he groans as he pulls away, mouthing kisses down her throat. He's frantic now, fingers busy popping the button of her jeans, latching onto the zipper because he has to touch her. He can imagine how wet she is right now, face flushed with her arousal, embarrassed and needy at the same time. He needs to see her face as he touches her.

But the inevitable he's dreaded blocks him. Haley's lips are wet and slightly swollen. Her face is flushed like he knew it would be, but her fingers tighten around his wrists, pulling him away. She shakes her head. "Nathan," she says on a deep breath, "can we... I mean, we should..."

Her lips touch the hollow of his neck. "I'm sorry."

And that's that. Above the waist is as far as she goes. He can't summon the energy to mask his disappointment but wears it stubbornly for her to see. But what surprises Nathan is he's not on his own with this; that Haley feels the frustration as much as he does.

Nathan leans back to give them both some breathing room, tries to get his hormones under control. Haley sits on his lap, looking self-conscious as she bites her lower lip. He can't resist her, even when she's holding him at arm's length. He cups the side of her face and kisses the side of her mouth, breathing deeply when she nuzzles his cheek. "Don't be sorry Hales," he tells her. "You're not ready."

As she gives him a slow kiss, Nathan wonders if she'll always keep him waiting.

* * *

Married sex is better, Nathan decides.

It's not as if there's a different sort of skill required, but it feels different. He's part of something bigger now; a self-made family cobbled together by love and strength of will and pure stubbornness. It does something to him, knowing that Haley is exactly where she wants to be, with him, and that she doesn't expect anything from him that she doesn't expect of herself.

He also gets sex on a regular basis, which is a big change from not getting any at all.

But he finds that it's more than that. Nathan loves curling up behind her after they've made love, even though his body is still overheated and Haley gets the chills. Sometimes they fall asleep like this: with the sheets tangled around Nathan's legs while covering Haley's arms. They find a balance as the night passes on, and it works.

Even when they're both too tired to do anything more than kiss each other goodnight, there's an ease in which they move together, like slotting puzzle pieces into place. When he wraps his arms around her middle, she leans into him, her ass fitting into the cradle of his thighs, and they sleep.

He's not sure what wakes him, but his vision is blurry and he's disoriented from sleeping too hard, and his cock is pressed into Haley's curves like he's been making himself ready for her. He loves waking up like this.

It takes a bit of coaxing from them both. Nathan huffs against Haley's neck, his breath warm and lips dry. He plays with the lining of her cotton panties and deftly moves his fingers under her t-shirt that's faded with age to rest his palm on her stomach. He rubs himself against her, slides between the cleft of her ass and holds it there until she moans, murmurs incoherently in her sleep. His fingers dip under the waistband of her underwear, feels the soft hair between her thighs.

Nathan still hovers between sleep and full alertness, and he licks his lips when he finally, finally, touches her there. Delving between soft lips to find her clit, rubbing his finger along the slick wetness gathering at his touch.

"Damn, baby," he murmurs, as if it's the first time even when it's not. Haley wet for him is always like a new joy to rediscover.

She wakes up just as he slides one finger inside, gasping a little. "Nathan," she says, and grabs his hand, sinking him deeper, lifting her pelvis so that her ass bumps against him.

He adds another digit and they do this for a while, rocking into each other as she fucks his fingers, her panties stretching over their joined hands. Haley stills, heavy on his hand as she finally comes, a full body shake he feels as if he'd experienced it himself.

Haley turns her head to meet his mouth, tasting of sleep, her mouth warm and her kiss drowsy. Nathan shoves his shorts down his hips and throws them on the floor. Her underwear gets lost in the sheets, and in between hot kisses he enters her from behind, the birth control patch on her hip tickling his palm. Nathan fucks her slow and deep, their bodies pressed closely together as they lie on their sides. He whispers dirty things in her ear -- you like taking this dick, don't you girl? It's yours, isn't it? -- that make her blush and arch into him until Nathan can't tell where his thrusts begins and hers end.

He comes before her with quick sharp strokes, his pelvis smacking the flesh of her ass, with Haley's muffled cry following a moment later. He rests one hand between her thighs and she shifts restlessly, still sensitive and wet from her orgasm. They fall asleep in a tangle of limbs, still connected.

*

When they go their separate ways the next day in school, Nathan tries not to think about Haley, wet and snug around his cock, or about eating her out during a free period and wandering around the rest of the day with her come dried on his mouth.

But he's 17 years old, and married for fuck's sake. It's damn near impossible to put the image out of his head.

* * *

In hindsight, maybe they married too young.

Nathan thinks about it often, how they'd be in very different places right now if he hadn't tried to Dan Scott his way into her life, call on the manipulative bastard part of him that runs deep.

Ok, and yes, if they hadn't fallen in love. But it hurts to remember that affection he had (still has), to dwell on it when he'd like nothing more than to erase it all. Maybe scrub his heart like a clean slate, just like he'd painted over her pretty fucking face on their wedding wall.

Shit. He's dwelling again.

* * *

Haley is different when she comes back. After she stakes her claim on him, murmuring promises that turn bitter during the translation; after he starts to feel the truth of her words, he attempts to let himself love her again.

It's slow going, at first.

He spends a lot of time thinking about the offers of sex he refused when he was at High Flyers. Pretty girls with dark hair that reminded him of Haley before she was his wife and there was a list of regrets tied to that piece of paper. He thinks about denying Haley, throwing her teenaged mistakes back in her face instead of working things out or maybe, finally, setting them both free.

He thinks about all kinds of shit that he absolutely shouldn't. Haley's glossy mouth on his cock, sucking him clean until he stops punishing her -- an absolution through orgasm. Or Haley in nothing but yellow panties and a smile as he lets his cock lie there in the valley of her breasts, fucking her titties until he comes on her soft skin. All things that they've done in the past, that he wants to do with her now, but it's difficult to close the distance between them. He thinks about this a lot, too.

When Nathan stops overanalyzing, stops rehashing and playing games, Haley is still there. I'm not going anywhere, she'd said.

Neither am I, he thinks, and decides to stop running.

*

The first time they make love after Haley's return, they're both understandably overwhelmed at the possibility of being them again. Too preoccupied with tasting her again, being inside her, picking up where they left off, as if it'd only been days instead of months.

He's an asshole about it later, but she pushes back against the dumb ass excuses he tries to lay at her feet. She's his wife, loving him enough to call him on his bullshit.

It's such a fucking turn-on.

*

The second time is fast and desperate, with Nathan talking himself hoarse about how good and tight her pussy is, about how much he's missed her.

Haley rides him slowly, her soft mouth gasping wide as he sucks on her breasts like when they were first married, and they had all the time in the world to tease an orgasm out of each other (don't let go Nathan, don't let me go). She rolls her hips, shifts up until only the tip of his cock remains inside and sinks back down roughly, groaning as the pain flows into pleasure. Then she fucks him hard enough that the mattress squeaks and until her knees start to protest.

Kissing him wetly, her warm breath ghosting along his lips and chin, she murmurs, "Oh God Nathan," as she thrusts against him, "it's only you, baby, only you."

He sighs her name and sets his thumb against her tattoo -- a symbol of her claiming him long before a ceremony made it official -- feeling the muscles of her lower back and ass flex with each movement.

And every time she clenches around him it eats away at the jealousy, the absurdity he feels when he thinks about her relationship with Chris. Good sex won't wipe away the bad memories, but when Nathan can feel every pull of muscle, every pulse of Haley's from inside-out, he knows she's telling the truth.

She can't lie to him when he's buried inside her like this, no more than he can.

"Hales," he murmurs into the damp skin of her neck, "I love you."

She leans into him until his back is on the bed and sighs against his lips. "You never stopped," she says quietly, and firm. "And neither will I."

*

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